Ignorance is Paradise

THUD!

I sat, Indian style, on the dryer in the laundry room. The warmth of the room; the pleasant smell of Bounce fabric softener; and the gentle vibration of the dryer was ALMOST enough to convince me that I was on a small island far, FAR away.

BANG!

I groped for my mug of coffee- GROPED, because the light was off. The only illumination was a small stream peeking out from under the door, but this was enough to allow me to see my mug sitting between a box (dryer sheets) and a jug (detergent, most likely). I grabbed the cup and took a sip.

CRASH!

Whatever was going on out there, I chose ignorance and bliss over information and stress. In a house full of boys, moments like these- even stolen ones that occur in a darkened laundry room- are hard to come by. Sure, at some point I would have to come out and face the destruction. Chances are, if it was anything like every other day, there would be a fort encompassing the living room; blocks on the kitchen floor with race cars throughout; papers, pens, pencils, and crayons strewn all over the dining room table; and all of it being neglected while one or both of the older boys stands on the couch ready to do a pile-driver to their brother.

Given the fact that I already had a rough idea of what was awaiting me, I sat there and sipped my coffee in peace. I couldn't help but feel thankful that my husband bought me a coffee mug that was insulated and would keep my coffee hot for 2 hours or more. If I drank slowly, I could draw out this quiet time until...

“MOM!”

Oh well. There goes the island.

Zoology is the study of my home

Wanna know the difference between my house and a zoo? There really isn't one.

Sure, the animals are different, but in the end, if not for certain safety precautions taken, my little animals would eat us alive. Yeah, they LOOK cute and cuddly, but there's a reason why they have a sign out in front of the bear cage that says 'Do Not Feed The Bear'. Its not because they're trying to cut down on the costs of diet products for the poor guy- its because if you get up close, he's likely to rip your arm off!

Cute and cuddly looking, they may be- friendly? Well, that's to be questioned.

Today has been - how shall I say it?- difficult. Of course, if you were to look up 'difficult' in my specialized dictionary (that I'm planning on having published one of these days because it really is remarkable), you'd see some poor soul about to jump off a cliff rather than face the burning flames about to engulf him.

Have you ever heard the warning sound that they play on TV announcing,"This has been a test of the emergency broadcast system'? Now, have you ever wondered what it would be like to listen to that sound for an entire day??? I do! I can tell you! Its the sound of a screeching 4 year old when he starts to get annoyed at his 10 year old brother who is INTENTIONALLY annoying him!

All day.

Today.

Up until about an hour ago.

After that, they banned together- with Cameron's friend-, rode a skateboard 4 feet in their room, slammed it into the mirrored closet doors, and cracked one. Amazingly, when asked what happened, neither one could come up with stories that matched.

That's when I shut them up in barrels like Mark Twain spoke of and fed them through the knotholes.

No, I didn't do that- although, don't think the thought never crossed my mind. No, that's when they were confined to their beds. Come on now- I'm not a monster.

Yet.

Anyways, so to say that today has been "trying" is putting it lightly. Part of me is already questioning my sanity for having a third, but I'm sticking to that old saying (IS it an old saying?) that you can't lose what you've already lost. There's really nowhere to go but up from here, so there you go. Besides, we've made our beds- now all that's left is to hide under the blankets.

Besides, I'm banking on the hope that ONE of them will make it big in life and support me and Corey in the lifestyle we'd like to become accustomed to.

And then, when they're older and have little hyenas of their own, I can look at them adoringly and say,"Some animals eat their young."

Hey- I just want my boys to know they have options.

Ah, the sounds of nature

As you slowly open your eyes, you can see sunlight overhead.  In the distance, you can hear water trickling and smell coffee brewing.  You've barely raised your head off your pillow when you hear the sounds of something akin to a National Geographic special on animal packs- growling, hissing, screeches of pain...

One might think they were camping somewhere off in the wilderness.  Not you.  You know that you're home, and those sounds you hear aren't TECHNICALLY animals- they're your children trying desperately to thin the herd.

Unfortunately for me, I cannot afford ignorance.  I know all too well that I'm not camping, although the question of whether or not the  sounds are coming from wild animals is debatable.  I've read in books about small children who awaken their sleeping parents with cereal, convinced they're helping guard their parents' hearts against the evils of cholesterol-

-or was that a Cheerios commercial?-

-either way, I've heard the tales of small children who behave in a way that makes their parents go,"Awwww....", but so far I've only experienced small children that make ME go,"Ahhhhhhh!!!!"  Small children (with not-so-smallish intentions to maim and destroy) who awaken me with the gentle blood curdling screams that only a mother could ignore.  Sounds of crashing and evil laughter gently rouse me from my peaceful dreams, while every nerve in my body screams at me to run as if a hungry bear were on my tail.  But, much like you wouldn't be able to outrun the bear, I can't escape my job as mom- or, as I lovingly refer to myself, zookeeper.

Suuuuure, camping is great if you want fresh air and scenic views, but if you want to save a few bucks, let me know.  I have a big living room where you can pitch a tent and wait for the howling to start.