You, too, can raise an Einstein!

I fell into the trap.

You know the one- “Act now and you, too, can teach your baby to read by hooking them on phonics by the time they're 2!”

In my defense, I didn't buy the program with this kiddo. No. With THIS child, I'm a little older, a little wiser, and a little poorer.

Nope, I bought the entire $5,000,000 system when Cameron was a baby. I had dreams of him lying there, in his crib, reading Nietzsche, Poe, Mark Twain...

Or, at least, Dr. Suess.

They made it seem SO easy. “All you have to do is slip a flash card under his sippy cup with his morning cereal every day and you, too, can have your baby reading 'War and Peace' in NO time!”

So, I gave it a go.

The problem is that they didn't ever stress HOW MANY sippy cups I'd have to slip flash cards under. At this rate, I'd have to give him 50 sippy cups with every meal. He would HAVE to lie in bed reading- he'd be too full of liquids to slosh anywhere else. And I wasn't going to have a life outside of that first bright yellow box- was I really ready to do that?

Luckily, Cameron was one of those kids that just happened to absorb the material through the box.

Ok, so it wasn't that.

In any case, the ultra expensive system sat in our closet, and the “free” backpack we got with our order was the only thing put to use with our first child.

With Jacob, I knew things could be different. With him, we could finally see what heights his intelligence could take by using the reading program. With him, we could FINALLY unwrap more than just the flash cards! With him, we could show up all our friends babies with a child that could read Shakespeare at 2!

Of course, first we'd have to find it in our storage.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't going to happen with our second child.

But we've got another chance at toddler brilliance with Nicholas. And don't they say that reading comes easier with kids that know a second language? And don't we have that sign language program around here somewhere?

Why stop at reading? Why, if we REALLY work at it, we can have a child that reads AND knows 2 languages before his first birthday...

“So, you wanted boys, huh?”

Noah was given an ark to build. Moses was sent to lead God's people through the desert to the promised land. And me? God gave me boys.

Its funny how after you have one boy, people ask you with every succeeding pregnancy, “So, are you going to try for that girl?” My answer is a resounding “NO”.

I'm pretty sure that God wanted to ensure that I never try for another child by keeping my hands full with 3 boys. Yes, we wanted 3 kids- 3 boys? Debatable. Sure, we knew what to expect with boys... but there's the problem: we knew what to expect with boys. Well, we THOUGHT we knew what to expect with boys. I'm starting to wonder more and more as they get older.

Today I walked in on my 2 oldest sons using whatever wasn't nailed down as projectiles. These items included, but were not limited to, blocks, crayons, and -at one point- a plush Elmo chair that actually sang as it hit Jacob. It was as if Elmo was singing out a war cry, which seemed to instigate Jacob, who retaliated by picking up a tee ball bat and swinging it at his older brother's head. Cameron quickly used a pillow as a shield while wielding a plastic drumstick, but Jacob couldn't have cared less because he was already on top of a craft table they have in their room ready to jump on his brother's mid-section.

I'm unsure of why I allowed the fight to go on that long-

Eh, who am I kidding? It was a long day and if they knocked each other out, I wouldn't have had to listen to another fight later.

Which I did.

Because I ended up stopping that particular fight just in time.

Eh, give me a break- blood is difficult to get out of fabric surfaces.  I couldn't have let it go on too much longer.

And no, I won't tell you who “won”, although, in the future, if you see Jacob's name in lights at a boxing match, don't hesitate to place your bet on him. The kid has some moves. Its as if he's being positioned by some unseen force...

When I finally stepped in, though, to stop the madness, that's when I realized that this -these boys- are my mission from God. They looked at me with pissed off looks and whined, “But mom! We were having fun!” Yeah. Fun. Its all fun and games until Elmo takes you out.

If I can raise them up to adulthood without them killing each other (or me killing them- I'm kidding! Sort of.), then I'll win God's favor.

I have to tell myself this, honestly, because its either this or God is up in Heaven right now saying, “HA! You asked for 3 kids! Well, here you go!”