Peace in Fear

1 decade.

That's how long its been.

10 years since every American's life was changed immensely and forever.

240 months ago, we all woke up with the given that any day could be our last, but there were a couple of other "givens" we had originally woken up with:

• America is generally a safe country.  Wars occur in places like Iraq- we only see those kinds of riots after the Lakers lose... or win.
• Planes don't crash into buildings.  In fact, if you were to ask anyone, they'd tell you that flying is safer than driving.

But on the morning of September 11, 2001, all of our "givens"- every ignorant assumption we'd held near and dear- were tossed aside.  Suddenly, our world was never going to be the same.  Our kids and future kids would never know a world where flying didn't include the possible threat of terrorism; where they didn't know at least one person who was heading off to war or had just come back; where there was a 'Twin Towers'.

My oldest was 1 and 1/2 at the time, and I'll never forget holding him, thinking "What a horrible accident!" and then watching as the second plane slammed into the second tower.  I'll never forget wondering what kind of life he had ahead of him.

I'll never forget church that Sunday.  It was packed to the brim with people hoping for answers- looking for hope itself.  Flags were bought by the dozen and flown in every doorway.  Candles were lit for the fallen.  People sang songs of unity and tolerance and spoke of how we needed to come together, throwing around the phrase "God Bless America".

760 weeks later, most of those thoughts have faded.  Flags might still fly, but candles are no longer lit.  Many who fled to church right after the attack, soon gave God a nice pat on the back with a "Thanks for being there when I freaked- see you at Christmas."  Unity and tolerance were nice ideas until you fit a certain profile or pissed someone off; and "God Bless America" soon became the "Have a nice day" of this generation- which strikes me as odd since "under God" in the pledge of allegiance still offends some people.

In the end, the only REAL thing that has stuck around all these years later is fear.  It happened once, could it happen again?  Where's Bin Laden and what's he planning?  Now we're at war- what now?  Oh, now we've found Bin Laden and he's dead... wait, what about zealots for his cause?

So, with so much fear in abundance, what does God's word have to say about it?

"So, do not fear, for I am with you." Isaiah 41:16
"In God, whose word I praise- in God I trust and am not afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?" Psalm 56:4
"For in the day of trouble, he will keep me safe in his dwelling." Psalm 27:5

When we're afraid, he doesn't turn his back- he opens his arms.  He reminds us that -as it was stated so eloquently in Veggietales- "God is bigger than the boogie man."  God gave man free will, so there's never going to be World Peace- mankind is prone to sin- but when things go bad, God gives us himself.  No matter what we've faced, are facing, or will face, God is always true to his word and he's said that he's with us.  He's been there everyday for the last 5320 days- whether we've noticed or not- listening for when we call on him, and he'll continue to be there everyday, waiting on that 1 day when we're afraid and need him.

God is bigger than the boogie man.

So, what's to fear?

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Let's get ready to RUMBLE!

“Is she awake?”

“I don't know- check.”

“How do I check if she's awake?”

“Poke her.”

“If I poke her, then she'll definitely wake up.”

“Mom, you awake?”

“I TOLD you to poke her.”

“I'M AWAKE!”

Thus begins the start of my day. I could try and act like I'm sleeping for a little bit longer, but it just postpones the inevitable.

Every day is like this- a fight to sleep a little bit longer, a fight to get them dressed in an outfit resembling something other than an extra from Les Miserables, a fight to get them to do their hair so they don't -once again- look like street urchins...

My life, as much as I love it, has started to look like a dialed down version of a WWE match- without the pile drivers and what not...

...though those MIGHT not be far behind.

My parents got me a program by one of those M.D.'s with all the credentials that promises “for $400, you'll have your kids saying 'Yes, Ma'am and Sir' in NO time!”

The problem isn't always them fighting with ME, though. I often find myself shouting out to the Heavens, asking if there's a program that will help with sibling bloodshed/maiming. I've yet to hear God answer me back, but it could be because I can't hear Him over the cacophony in the background. To be honest, though, I think -if we're going to go down the Biblical route- if God allowed Cain and Able to fight like cats and dogs for a reason, well, maybe there's a reason for the continual boxing match in MY house; and if THAT'S the case, it shouldn't be too long til I hear one of them shout out, “I'm not my brother's keeper!”

And all this happens before breakfast.

When I pictured my life with kids, the daily battles weren't part of the sweet scenery I envisioned. I know I was naïve, but I had a lapse in memory of how things had been with MY parents. I briefly forgot about the grand confrontations my brother and I had- one of which broke the back of a recliner and involved a stick.

I let it slip from my mind that “Yes Ma'am and Sir” weren't part of our vocabulary- that we had embraced the word “No” from the time we could talk.

I had discarded the memory of when my mom tried DESPERATELY to get me to dress in something she had wanted me to wear, and I adamantly refused.

I don't get to deny it any more, though. Those thoughts drift in and out of my mind- poltergeists, intent on tormenting me; reminding me, in every action my boys do, that I am their mother.

“Go do your hair.”

“I like it this way.”

“What way? You didn't even DO it.”

“And that's how I like it.”

They may win the battle, but I will win the war...

I hope.