Follow the Boystown road...

I've never been the type of person who wants a throng of people mindlessly following me.  I'd rather have 5 loyal followers that ACTUALLY read what I have to say than 500 who only add me so that I will add them.  I've always been that way- on MySpace, Facebook, etc.  Sure, you might be "friends" with J-Lo, but unless she visits your page personally, who cares?  I made a Facebook page for my CAT, for Heaven's sake, just so that I had one more "neighbor" for one of those stupid games- does that make me cool because I have 50 "friends", if 49 of them are for show?

I'll admit, its a bit of an ego boost to pop on here and see that I have another person following me.  The idea that 55 people are following ME- wanting to read what I have to say... its kind of mind boggling.  My KIDS don't even care what I have to say, but 55 people who have never met me have decided to follow me so they can be sure to get an update on their profile when I've posted something.

I know that not all 55 read me regularly- I often get caught up with the outside world and its responsibilities (for SHAME!)- but even if 25 of you read me semi-regularly, that's still pretty cool.  My standards aren't that high, remember?  I'm stoked if 5 people like me.

So, since I'm not looking to gather an army of robot readers, I'm ok with not having 5000 followers, however, I can see how it could be useful to do some of the things other bloggers do- like 'Hops' and what not.  I'm thinking that I might start doing a few things that will increase my readership- any ideas?  The way I figure it, as long as I don't let those things change me and the way I write, it can only be good, right?  And after all, you never know what follower will turn out to be loyal.

So, if you're reading this, and you have ideas, I'm open to them.  Incidentally, it'll be interesting to see who comments... you know, all things considered. ;-b

Talk to you soon.  (And I promise my next post won't be a filler post.)

Hello from prison

I'm sorry I've been MIA.  For some reason, my kids seem to think that I'm supposed to take care of them- something about me giving birth and them not being old enough to fully take care of themselves.  I beg to differ- I've seen the things my kids are capable of doing- but since Child Protective Services would most likely disagree, I'm at the mercy of 3 VERY needy boys.

I'm going to try and get on tomorrow, but if for some reason you haven't heard from me in a week, please send reinforcements.  There's a chance I might be being held hostage by the little people.  When you contact the authorities, please warn them NOT to believe a WORD that comes from the heathens' mouths- the sweet words they utter are a distraction so you don't pay as much attention to their horns.

Prayers are appreciated- weapons sent via UPS to aide in my release are even more appreciated.

Talk to you all soon... I hope.

Stylish Blogger Award

Well, wouldn't you know- I get caught up in my life outside of blogging and I get another award.  Too many days passed by without my knowing this.  For SHAME.  Tisk Tisk- aaaaand all those other things that people say.

Anyways, THANK YOU SO MUCH, Cool Bean Mommas, for the honor of being nominated for the Stylish Blogger Award!  God knows I struggle with being stylish (my favorite dress is my favorite blue jeans, as Garth Brooks so aptly wrote), but my blog must be pretty purty, because it caught the eye of a fantastic writer, like herself.  Check her out soon... you know, if you feel like reading something AWESOME.

So, now, because tradition is old and needs to be cherished, I must share 7 things about myself with all of you and then award 10 stylish new (to me) bloggers the Stylish Blogger Award.  Here's to tradition!


7 things I'm sure you don't know about me
1.  My birthday just passed and I reached the ripe old age of 31.  I know- I'm excited.  I'm passed the dirty thirty and on my way to the fantastic forty.  Jealous?
2.  I still have my very first stuffed animal.  Call me whatever you want, but it was given to me by my dad right after I had surgery at 3 months old and I will NEVER give it up.  Even if you put me on one of those horrible "Clean House" shows.  I have a mean stare- I would get them to cave.
3.  I have 1 glass of wine in my system and its actually causing me difficulty to type.  Yes, 1 glass does that now.  Its called saving money.  If you don't drink a lot, it doesn't cost a lot to help you relax.  Look into it.
4.  I have NO idea how to raise my kids.  I'm basically just winging it.  I figure, they've done well so far- I must not be doing such a bad job.
5.  I organize a Mommy Group.  Please do not applaud.  This is not a good thing.  Its scary.  A mom who has trouble remembering that her glasses are on top of her head when she is looking for them is ORGANIZING a mom's group?  Yeah, this will go over well.
6.  I like old movies.  Like, really old- not, like, 80's old.  I like Doris Day and Jimmy Stewart and all those guys.  There's something innocent in those movies.  Where the worst that happens is a snag in your nylons kind of bad.  Yeah, those were the days.
7.  Its been a VERY long day today and I plan on finishing my night with a second glass of wine.  Yes, that might cause me to lose consciousness, but right about now, that sounds wonderful.

And now, because it just wouldn't be right to keep their brilliance to myself, here are my nominations for the Stylish Blogger Award:
1.  Mom's Madhouse Advice Blog
2.  jrrsehopecoaching
3.  Mama Wants This
4.  My IdeaLife
5.  The McCormack Spot
6.  Debras Dollars
7.  Always Just a Mom

8.  Budgeting During College
9.  The Life of a Young Mom
10.  Susanna's Apron

And, that's it.  I swear that there are so many more I would've have loved to have nominated, though.  Maybe with the NEXT award I get... *hint hint* ;-b  I'm SUCH a praise-whore.

 So, go on- read them.  They all rock and I know you'll find some new blogs to adore.  I did.

Labels

I do my best thinking in the shower.

Now, I'm sure there are many medical reasons why this is possible- maybe the warm water increases circulation or the water pressure from the shower head helps knead out the stress from my shoulders, which lowers my blood pressure and THAT helps with better circulation.

I personally think, though that it has nothing to do with medical reasons and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that its the ONE place in this house where I can hear myself think without fear of interruption.  With the water raining down on me, it drowns out the incessant pestering.  For the 5 minutes I get to take for myself, I get a chance to recoop and relax.

Yes, 5 minutes.  I learned long ago how to take "Army showers".  5 minutes is the perfect amount of time to get the necessary stuff done while ensuring I'm not gone long enough for fires, explosions, or massive bodily harm to occur with the boys.

It IS long enough, however, to get some serious thinking done, and today I was thinking about my life.

Its amazing to me how we measure ourselves by what we are rather than who we are as individuals.  People in our lives- not our personalities- usually define us.  I  get it- its difficult to really find a distinction

• I have kids- I'm a mom.
• I have a husband- I'm a wife

We even measure ourselves by what and who we are NOT.  In my case, I'm not a career driven woman- I'm a stay at home mom.  I'm not like my brother and sister, with their medical field goals- I'm...

What?  Lacking a true career path?  Lazy?  Without ambition?  Settling?  Ordinary?

During those precious 5 minutes, I thought about who I really was- not according to others or labels thrust upon me- but ME.  What makes me, me?

• I'm outgoing.
• I'm sarcastic.
• I'm a wanna-be chef.
• I'm goofy.
• I'm friendly.
• I'm a neat freak.
• I'm determined.
• I'm sensitive.

Its true- I'm also ordinary.  My job is SO ordinary and boring that -not only do I NOT get paid for it- but most people don't even want to waste time writing it out, so they write SAHM.  Its not considered a career choice; its an in-between- something you do when you're in between jobs.

I'm called a "housewife" which -horror of horrors- evokes images of Peggy Bundy, sitting on a couch, eating Bon Bons.  Even worse, that's what MANY people imagine when I tell them what I do for a living.  I'm curious about the title "housewife", by the way.  No one ever refers to a woman as a "workwife".  Its funny- even as I'm writing this, my computer recognizes "housewife" as a real word and there's a red squiggly line under "workwife".

I'm asked frequently when I'm planning on "going back to work", as if I'm on vacation.  If this is vacation, I've been gypped.

I'm just sayin'.

I'm also told constantly about work at home opportunities- because I'm OBVIOUSLY not busy throughout the day.  I get it, times are hard and they know I'm not getting paid for what I do, but when I WAS working, we managed to still have money troubles, so what it looks like to me is that #1- you always find a way to do what you REALLY want to do, #2- a lot of money does NOT equal financial security, and #3- God apparently thinks pretty highly of our decision to have me stay at home because He always makes a way for us to get by.

Its true- I'm an ordinary, SAHM and housewife.  Just so we're clear on what my "non-job" entails, though:

• I'm a referee, breaking up fights.
• I'm a cop, determining who's at fault.
• I'm a judge, deciding the punishment.
• I'm a nurse, aiding the wounded.
• I'm a chauffeur, driving to and fro.
• I'm a nanny, taking care of kids.
• I'm a day care provider, taking care of my kids' friends when they're over.
• I'm a maid, cleaning constantly.
• I'm a cook, feeding the hungry.
• I'm a sales clerk, trying to get my kids to buy what I'm selling.
• I'm a banker, lending money to my kids.
• I'm a pastor, teaching my kids about God.
• I'm a spin doctor, putting a twist on any bad situation.
• I'm a lawyer, defending my kids.
• I'm a pet store owner, taking care of our cat and fish.
• I'm a plumber, cleaning hair and toys out of drains.
• I'm a hairdresser, fixing cowlicks and constructing "faux hawks".
• I'm a teacher, helping my kids learn.
• I'm an event coordinator, putting together birthday parties and such.
• I'm a hostess, welcoming friends and family into my home constantly.
• I'm a therapist, listening to people's issues and helping them through it.
• I'm a drill sergeant.
• I'm a mommy group organizer.
• I'm a friend.
• I'm a daughter.
• I'm a wife.
• I'm raising 3 of tomorrow's best and brightest men.
• I'm a mom.

And all this WITHOUT getting paid.

Maybe ordinary is really quite extraordinary.

Happy Eruption Day, Mt. Saint Helens

Today marks the 31st anniversary of when Mt. St. Helens rocked the world (or at least a small portion of it) with its fantastic eruption.  As Wikipedia tells it:

An earthquake at 8:32:17 a.m. PDT (UTC−7) on Sunday, May 18, 1980, caused the entire weakened north face to slide away, suddenly exposing the partly molten, gas- and steam-rich rock in the volcano to lower pressure. The rock responded by exploding a hot mix of lava and pulverized older rock toward Spirit Lake so fast that it overtook the avalanching north face.
An eruption column rose 80,000 feet (24,400 m) into the atmosphere and deposited ash in 11 U.S. states...

And, because I TRULY know how to make an entrance, today also marks 31 years for me on this Earth.  My dad told me once that after I was born, he had gone out to his car, and there was ash on it from the explosion.  They -my parents- should have seen it as an omen- a sign, if you will- of things to come.

I know I've never been easy.  According to Wikipedia, "The eruption was preceded by a two-month series of earthquakes and steam-venting episodes".  It was longer than 2 months, but I caused a few of my own earthquakes and steam-venting episodes through-out my teenage years.  So, maybe that volcano and I have more in common than most realize.  It had warning pains before it erupted; I caused them after. 

If you look at it, now, the difference in pictures is astounding.  Life in Washington went into rebuilding mode, but there will always be evidence of that awesome/horrible day in history- a flat-top; a hill leading to a crater.

I can only hope that my life leaves an impact on others like Mt. St. Helens did.  I'm not saying that I hope I leave destruction in my path- I did enough of that in high school.  I just hope that, though people might walk away from me and go on living their lives, I leave an indelible mark on their lives; that I touch their lives in a way that, years later, other people can see the signature showing that I've been there.

So, Happy Eruption day, Mt. St. Helens (and mom!).  Thanks for helping me mark my entrance.

Public Service Announcement

I posted this once before on another blog I used to have, but after some things I've witnessed lately, I think it deserves to be re-posted here.  I hope you all enjoy.

Do YOU or someone YOU know suffer from an MTD?

MTDs- or Mentally Transmitted Diseases- are a growing concern in our society. To date, 1 out of every 2 people suffers from this condition, and with the advancement of technology and breweries -combined with the declined use of birth control- that number is on the rise. Studies have shown that by the start of 2012, more than 75% of the U.S. will come down with some degree of an MTD (w/ nearly ALL of California being affected).

Mentally Transmitted Diseases -also referred to as 'Chronic Stupidity' in most medical journals- is a tricky condition with a quick progression and no known cure. After contracting it, most patients won't notice a difference, but their condition will most definitely be visible to the rest of the unaffected population- often through words and actions, but sometimes through just a few wordless expressions.

The horror of this disease is that, if you don't know what you're dealing with, you could accidentally and unnecessarily expose yourself. More often than not, it can take repeated exposure to contract an MTD, but for some -the really young, really old, or those with a hereditary connection- it can sometimes take just once.



So, how can you protect yourself and those you love? Nothing is guaranteed, but with a few simple precautions you can decrease the chances of contracting what can be a lifelong, debilitating disease.

~Remember 'the 3Rs'

• If you have found yourself in a situation where you've noticed that the person you're speaking with is particularly stupid, REDUCE your exposure, if at all possible. Obviously, if this person is your boss, this will be next to impossible, but there are 2 other Rs to ensure your safety: REVIEW all information given to you and RECHECK all facts that pertain to you. (The chronically stupid often offer up needless information. For example, a coworker says to you,"I heard its going to rain today- it rained in Germany yesterday." Chances are, they're wrong on both accounts, but you only need to recheck the weather in your area, since even stupid people can be right 50% of the time. You can disregard the Germany reference OBVIOUSLY, unless you're planning on traveling there anytime soon.)

~Wear Sunglasses

• Ok, so maybe this form of protective eye gear won't always work, but the theory is that if they can't SEE your eyes, then there's a chance they won't be able to look directly into them. Direct eye contact seems to be a frequent source of transmission for MTDs. Why? Well, the most we can deduce is that since stupid people TRULY believe what they're trying to convey to you, their words mixed with eye contact can cause you to question all you believe.

~Ignore them and/ or stare at them with a blank expression

• MTD patients enjoy back and forth banter, so if you take this away, they will often leave you alone. Use this precaution with care, though, because stupid people often carry blank expressions and you take the possibility of passing for one.

~Distract them

• Its a long shot, but if all else fails, you will need to distract the infirmed with something shiny and RUN.

So, what are some of the signs and symptoms, and what can you do if infected? We've already discussed a couple, but in the event that there is an infected person reading this, here's a run down:

~a glazed over look when you ask a simple question (an exception should be noted not to necessarily worry in the early morning/ pre-coffee hours)

~an affinity for offering up pointless information during important times

~an inability to distinguish between the gas and the brake peddle (an exception should be noted for those with the occasional mental lapse during frustrating times- like driving with kids or stupid people)

~the confusion over what a turn signal is and how to use it

~noting a long line, and then deciding to either stand aside and make their own line and/ or waiting til their asked to get in line and cutting to the front

~the inability to ever admit wrong doing and/ or the inability to apologize when wrong

~the idea that all their thoughts and opinions will magically be known to you, although they have failed to open their mouths

~the idea that you CARE about all their thoughts and opinions

~the inability to distinguish between thoughts and opinions that matter




The list goes on and on, but I'm sure that you've gotten the point.


If you've found yourself in any of these descriptions and you're wondering about what to do next, here's the answer:

~Do something that requires you to use more brain-power than normal and DO NOT STOP until you feel your mental capacity increasing.  If you've gone for too long without help, it may take a while and you may not remember what it feels like to be using your brain, so try answering a few simple questions, such as:

• Is it a good idea to text/drink and drive? (the answer should be 'no')

• Are raising animals EXACTLY like raising kids? (you might want to answer 'yes' because of how they can act, but as long as you truly realize the answer is 'no', you'll be fine.

• Is it ok to leave your baby in the bath by itself while you play games on Facebook? (um, 'no')

The feeling that follows  will be like a light turning on or like you've just woken up- you might feel groggy and out of sorts.  Eat something, you'll be fine- you're on your way to recovery.

~If, however, that exercise doesn't work, I'm sorry, but there's no hope.  RUN, don't walk, to the nearest clinic and get a prescription for birth control, or better yet, ask for sterilization.  You shouldn't feel bad, though- you probably don't understand anything I've just explained, so... Look!  Something shiny!

Remember- only YOU can prevent MTDs.

Let's get ready to RUMBLE!

“Is she awake?”

“I don't know- check.”

“How do I check if she's awake?”

“Poke her.”

“If I poke her, then she'll definitely wake up.”

“Mom, you awake?”

“I TOLD you to poke her.”

“I'M AWAKE!”

Thus begins the start of my day. I could try and act like I'm sleeping for a little bit longer, but it just postpones the inevitable.

Every day is like this- a fight to sleep a little bit longer, a fight to get them dressed in an outfit resembling something other than an extra from Les Miserables, a fight to get them to do their hair so they don't -once again- look like street urchins...

My life, as much as I love it, has started to look like a dialed down version of a WWE match- without the pile drivers and what not...

...though those MIGHT not be far behind.

My parents got me a program by one of those M.D.'s with all the credentials that promises “for $400, you'll have your kids saying 'Yes, Ma'am and Sir' in NO time!”

The problem isn't always them fighting with ME, though. I often find myself shouting out to the Heavens, asking if there's a program that will help with sibling bloodshed/maiming. I've yet to hear God answer me back, but it could be because I can't hear Him over the cacophony in the background. To be honest, though, I think -if we're going to go down the Biblical route- if God allowed Cain and Able to fight like cats and dogs for a reason, well, maybe there's a reason for the continual boxing match in MY house; and if THAT'S the case, it shouldn't be too long til I hear one of them shout out, “I'm not my brother's keeper!”

And all this happens before breakfast.

When I pictured my life with kids, the daily battles weren't part of the sweet scenery I envisioned. I know I was naïve, but I had a lapse in memory of how things had been with MY parents. I briefly forgot about the grand confrontations my brother and I had- one of which broke the back of a recliner and involved a stick.

I let it slip from my mind that “Yes Ma'am and Sir” weren't part of our vocabulary- that we had embraced the word “No” from the time we could talk.

I had discarded the memory of when my mom tried DESPERATELY to get me to dress in something she had wanted me to wear, and I adamantly refused.

I don't get to deny it any more, though. Those thoughts drift in and out of my mind- poltergeists, intent on tormenting me; reminding me, in every action my boys do, that I am their mother.

“Go do your hair.”

“I like it this way.”

“What way? You didn't even DO it.”

“And that's how I like it.”

They may win the battle, but I will win the war...

I hope.

Versatile Blogger Award

Ok, so I FINALLY have gotten around to posting this- and I hope my lack of posting it sooner doesn't come off as me not being excited about it, because I totally am.

THANK YOU, Tracey @dontmesswithmama.com, for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award!

This is my first ever award for my writing and I feel special to have gotten nominated by someone who writes so well herself!  When you get a chance, pop on over to her blog and check her out- you won't be disappointed.

As part of the award, I need to need to tell you all 7 things about me, and award 15 new bloggers and let them know they’ve received the award.  So, here it goes!

7 things 'bout 'lil 'ol me
1.  I'm a Christian and I try to write so that no one would ever look at my writing and question that.
2.  I LOVE writing.  Besides my husband, writing keeps me sane (to a degree.  Oh, come on- if you've read me before, you know I'm a nut, regardless of whether I get my thoughts out or not).
3.  I love coffee more than a normal person should.  I mean, truly LOVE coffee.  I think I might possibly marry Juan Valdez or the CEO of Folgers if given the chance JUST to have access to their coffee stash.
4.  I have the heart of a traveler with the pockets of a homebody.  The combo is frustrating- especially when I watch the FoodNetwork and see some of the places they go.
5.  I love cooking and baking, and when I grow up, I'd like to get paid doing what I love to do.  Hmm- I sound like one of those Le Cordon Blu school commercials.
6.  Almost every night I read to my kids.  I have great memories of my dad reading to my sibs and I when we were younger, and I want that for my boys.
7.  I'm outgoing for the most part.  I have my moments where I'll shrink into the woodwork, but -in most situations- I'm the zany one, talking up anyone who'll listen.

(drum roll please...)

And my nominees for the Versatile Blogger award are:
1.  Wyoming Girl *turned* Coastie Wife
2.  Our Banana Moments
3.  One Practical Woman
4.  Full of It
5.  Surviving Motherhood
6.  My Sweet Potato 3
7.  Just Another Mommy Blog
8.  Sacred and Profane
9.  Musings of Motherhood
10.  Mom in rome
11.  My Dishwasher's Possessed
12.  bUiLdInG a NeW hIvE!
13.  Vinobaby's Voice
14.  Skinny Bean
15.  Kirsten's Random Utterances

 (Leaving a link to me would be cool, btw.)

I hope you'll all check these awesome bloggers out and find them as enjoyable as I do. 

So, get to it- read on!  And, thanks again, Tracey!

You, too, can raise an Einstein!

I fell into the trap.

You know the one- “Act now and you, too, can teach your baby to read by hooking them on phonics by the time they're 2!”

In my defense, I didn't buy the program with this kiddo. No. With THIS child, I'm a little older, a little wiser, and a little poorer.

Nope, I bought the entire $5,000,000 system when Cameron was a baby. I had dreams of him lying there, in his crib, reading Nietzsche, Poe, Mark Twain...

Or, at least, Dr. Suess.

They made it seem SO easy. “All you have to do is slip a flash card under his sippy cup with his morning cereal every day and you, too, can have your baby reading 'War and Peace' in NO time!”

So, I gave it a go.

The problem is that they didn't ever stress HOW MANY sippy cups I'd have to slip flash cards under. At this rate, I'd have to give him 50 sippy cups with every meal. He would HAVE to lie in bed reading- he'd be too full of liquids to slosh anywhere else. And I wasn't going to have a life outside of that first bright yellow box- was I really ready to do that?

Luckily, Cameron was one of those kids that just happened to absorb the material through the box.

Ok, so it wasn't that.

In any case, the ultra expensive system sat in our closet, and the “free” backpack we got with our order was the only thing put to use with our first child.

With Jacob, I knew things could be different. With him, we could finally see what heights his intelligence could take by using the reading program. With him, we could FINALLY unwrap more than just the flash cards! With him, we could show up all our friends babies with a child that could read Shakespeare at 2!

Of course, first we'd have to find it in our storage.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't going to happen with our second child.

But we've got another chance at toddler brilliance with Nicholas. And don't they say that reading comes easier with kids that know a second language? And don't we have that sign language program around here somewhere?

Why stop at reading? Why, if we REALLY work at it, we can have a child that reads AND knows 2 languages before his first birthday...

Lists, lists, and...cookies???

Why is it we always have the most amount of stuff to do on the days when we have the least amount of time?

I keep wondering this today as I get ready to add yet another item to my 'to do' list; meanwhile, I'm still knee deep in items I've yet to cross off.

I'll admit, a lot of it is of my own doing. I always joke around that cleaning up after my kiddos is a lot like trying to nail Jell-o to a tree- pointless and impossible- but every day, I find myself stressing out over the laundry, the dishes, the crumbs that seem to multiply before my eyes on the counter...

And I'm not positive, but I BELIEVE that the toys have all called in reinforcements.

It just seems like its a never-ending job.

Oh.

Yeah.

It is.

When I add in all the other things- the eye/doctor appointments to schedule, the play dates that keep me and Jacob sane, the cooking (no matter how much I love cooking, its still one more thing)- looking at my list is a lot like standing at the bottom of the Empire State building and trying to see the top.

And yet...

And yet I keep adding to it. Today I chose to make cookies in addition to my list of “musts”. Why? Well, I thought that if I was going to die from stress, cookies might be a nice accompaniment. Because, if Mary Poppins has taught me nothing its that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down- as well as the stress.

Not to mention, they taste good.

Warm, tasty, chewy stress relievers.

Thank you, Mary, for your flash of brilliance. Sugar- especially in cookie form- really DOES help you deal with the less sweet parts of life.

Queen of Coupons, I am not

Last night I was watching a show on Extreme Couponing and I was completely enthralled.

These people were able to walk up to the check out lanes with over $1000 worth of groceries and walk away spending somewhere around $.06 or less.

Much like with food and weight gain, anytime I walk into a grocery store, I'm pretty sure they charge me $100 immediately just for LOOKING at the food. The idea of couponing seems like a great idea, but I question how great of an idea it would be for ME- especially since, when I saw the extreme couponers (ECs, if you will) walking around with briefcases full of coupons, my immediate thought was, “Ooo, and I could get a pink one! Maybe Coach makes one I could buy with all my savings!”

Yeah, wouldn't work for me.

Its a lot like how I am with dieting. I lose 3 pounds and I think to myself, “Awesome! Now I can eat that whole cheesecake!” Or worse, I go walking for a half an hour, don't even weigh myself, and think, “Ya know, I should reward myself for my effort.” And off I go to buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

I'd really like the benefit of using coupons, but I'm just not that dedicated to the cause. Every time I heard one of the ECs say how long they would spend clipping coupons and getting ready to go on their shopping trips, all I could think of was, “I'm tired just from listening to this- I need a break”, and off I would go to make a cup of coffee and relax.

Shouldn't I get brownie points for WANTING to save money?

I know I sound naïve, shallow, what have you, but I'm not. The idea of being able to spend -$50 on 10 carts of groceries sounds amazing, but it also sounds exhausting because at the end of the day, I would have to do that shopping trip with a 10 year old, a 4 year old, and a 4 month old. While trying to figure out how many tubes of toothpaste I have to buy to save $7, I would end up hearing why my 10 year old wants one he saw on TV and my 4 year old wants the one with Thomas the Train on it- neither of which, I'm sure, would give me bonus bucks or whatever. While trying to get the necessary amounts of Gatorade to save $1000, I would have to listen to my 10 year old tell me that he doesn't like Gatorade, he likes Powerade, and my 4 year old would be asking me for Twizzlers... because he saw them as we shopped in the candy aisle when I went to buy the 1000 packs of gum to save $2000 off my purchase, but I wouldn't buy them for him because it might cause my shopping trip to equal out to $.05 when I didn't bring a nickel with me...

I'm getting tired just writing this.

In the end, couponing to save money for MY family wouldn't work BECAUSE of MY family.

Or maybe I'm against it because I'm lazy.

Yeah, there's always that.

The things we say...

You know you're a mom when you find yourself saying things like, “You need to stop killing your brother” while on the phone with Sprint and it doesn't hit you that maybe -just MAYBE- you might need to explain. Not once does it cross your mind that the nice person on the other end of the line has all your vital info and if you don't follow up your statement with “on that video game”, they might easily send the proper authorities to knock down your door.

Is it just me, or has any other mom found themselves saying things they never thought would come out of their mouths now that they have kids? And I'm not just talking about hearing things your parents said to you come from a voice that sounds stunningly like your own. No, I'm talking about those times that you feel the need to say in a very stern voice in the canned vegetable aisle, “Grabbing yourself and shrieking is NOT appropriate here.” Or “Why must you poke monkeys with sticks?”... by the way, that did not occur at a zoo.

I've learned that its just a part of life- well, MY life, anyways- to hear myself say, “It is NEVER ok to ACTUALLY hang your baby brother up by his toes.”

Mental note- I need to watch my threats.

I'm starting to fear that its only a matter of time until CPS comes a'callin', and would I really blame them? The last time I was on hold with my son's school, it wasn't until AFTER they had picked up that I realized the operator had just heard me tell my 4 year old, “No, cats do NOT like peanut butter and jelly, and kids should not eat cat food, so no sharing.” Maybe THAT'S why we quickly became qualified for the reduced lunch program...

Ignorance is Paradise

THUD!

I sat, Indian style, on the dryer in the laundry room. The warmth of the room; the pleasant smell of Bounce fabric softener; and the gentle vibration of the dryer was ALMOST enough to convince me that I was on a small island far, FAR away.

BANG!

I groped for my mug of coffee- GROPED, because the light was off. The only illumination was a small stream peeking out from under the door, but this was enough to allow me to see my mug sitting between a box (dryer sheets) and a jug (detergent, most likely). I grabbed the cup and took a sip.

CRASH!

Whatever was going on out there, I chose ignorance and bliss over information and stress. In a house full of boys, moments like these- even stolen ones that occur in a darkened laundry room- are hard to come by. Sure, at some point I would have to come out and face the destruction. Chances are, if it was anything like every other day, there would be a fort encompassing the living room; blocks on the kitchen floor with race cars throughout; papers, pens, pencils, and crayons strewn all over the dining room table; and all of it being neglected while one or both of the older boys stands on the couch ready to do a pile-driver to their brother.

Given the fact that I already had a rough idea of what was awaiting me, I sat there and sipped my coffee in peace. I couldn't help but feel thankful that my husband bought me a coffee mug that was insulated and would keep my coffee hot for 2 hours or more. If I drank slowly, I could draw out this quiet time until...

“MOM!”

Oh well. There goes the island.

Catching a Parasite

Today was just another day in the neighborhood.  I tried to clean- useless.  Tried to be a parent- difficult.  Tried to relax- ridiculous.  Yep, just another day in the neighborhood.

Well, if you don't count the head cold that decided to move into my body for a while.

Ya know, its funny how we take precautions- sometimes over precautions- to keep from getting sick; to keep from catching a “bug”. We take vitamin C, drink lots of fluids, eat chicken soup... they've even come up with sayings like, “Starve a fever, feed a cold”, in an effort to drive home how to get rid of the sickness. People say things like, “Get well soon” and “Hope you're back to your old self again soon”, because that's what we do- we say things to try and make the person feel better.

Its funny because, if you REALLY think about it, kids are parasites. Only, to make matters worse, instead of taking precautions to keep away, some people go through great lengths to obtain one.  At the risk of driving people away from ever reading my thoughts again, just go with me on this one.

I'll take myself, for example. When I got pregnant with my first son, I was young and Corey and I weren't married yet. A lot of people chose to congratulate us on the upcoming birth of our baby boy. I think its kind of funny, though, that one particular family member of mine sent us a card that said “Get well soon”. Now, given, I think she was a little out of sorts, but maybe it was my fiance and I who were not right in the head to be as excited as we were. Maybe she knew what we were up against?

Flash forward 6 years. Corey and I were now married and trying to get pregnant with our second child. Instead of heeding the unintended advice of my family member, I was actively trying to get as close to my pregnant friends as possible- as if I could “catch” a baby.

We now have 3 boys, and as much as I love them, I can't help but smile when I hear things like this on TV:

(From the show 'House')Dr. House: "Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites..."

So true, Dr. So very true. Or, my latest favorite, which I saw last night on Grey's Anatomy, spoken by Cristina Yang: “Its small features and oversized thighs trigger a hormonal response from humans. It's autonomic. It's what keeps us from eating them.”

I couldn't have said it better myself.