The things we say...

You know you're a mom when you find yourself saying things like, “You need to stop killing your brother” while on the phone with Sprint and it doesn't hit you that maybe -just MAYBE- you might need to explain. Not once does it cross your mind that the nice person on the other end of the line has all your vital info and if you don't follow up your statement with “on that video game”, they might easily send the proper authorities to knock down your door.

Is it just me, or has any other mom found themselves saying things they never thought would come out of their mouths now that they have kids? And I'm not just talking about hearing things your parents said to you come from a voice that sounds stunningly like your own. No, I'm talking about those times that you feel the need to say in a very stern voice in the canned vegetable aisle, “Grabbing yourself and shrieking is NOT appropriate here.” Or “Why must you poke monkeys with sticks?”... by the way, that did not occur at a zoo.

I've learned that its just a part of life- well, MY life, anyways- to hear myself say, “It is NEVER ok to ACTUALLY hang your baby brother up by his toes.”

Mental note- I need to watch my threats.

I'm starting to fear that its only a matter of time until CPS comes a'callin', and would I really blame them? The last time I was on hold with my son's school, it wasn't until AFTER they had picked up that I realized the operator had just heard me tell my 4 year old, “No, cats do NOT like peanut butter and jelly, and kids should not eat cat food, so no sharing.” Maybe THAT'S why we quickly became qualified for the reduced lunch program...